Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
