Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
