Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
