areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
