whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
