What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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