Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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