If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
