In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
