...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
