It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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