4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
