weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
