Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
