I have demons in me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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