Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
