just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
