He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
