It's Friday. Sex?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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