Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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