even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
