Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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