no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We left an ass print on the piano.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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