she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
