Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
