Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
whose parrot is this?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
