dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
