Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
