What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
