So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
