got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
