I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
