Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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