I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
