I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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