My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
