We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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