you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize