she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
the gays at disneyland are vicious
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
