You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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