Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
