making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
