the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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