I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
