my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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