I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
