ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize