Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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