i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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