She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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