Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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