how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
