i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
