accomplished twins. life is a go
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
