VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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