I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
being pregnant is like rehab
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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