bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
