it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am spending my child support on dildos
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
