but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
