If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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