dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
