do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
