can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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