I saw his package. It spoke to me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
