Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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