I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
