this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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