Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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