It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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